I'll Blow up the House
by Shadowgate
Summary: Kyle gets mad about being punished but luckily his friend Mysterion stops him from doing something he'd regret.


I'll Blow up the House

By Shadowgate

…..

Kyle was sitting in front of the television at home when his mom came out screaming.

"Kyle what is this crap?"

Sheila waves a paper in front of him.

Kyle answers "it looks like a piece of paper mom."

Sheila insists he read it and he does.

Kyle looks at it and realizes it's his most recent post to his Facebook page.

_I'm so fucking pissed off right now I have three allowance payments that are overdue. My parents sure know how to Jew me over. I'm just so fucking sick of not getting my allowances on time. I know my dad got fucked over on a recent case but shit I want my Goddamn money. Shit I don't know what my parent's problem is._

Sheila says "well Kyle we'll continue to give you your allowance and you just recently got all three payments but as of now you're grounded for a month. Also you are going to lose your computer and your father just removed it from your room. We're teaching you a lesson for disrespecting us Kyle. You will respect your parents young man."

All of the sudden Kyle hears a rifle shot in the backyard.

Kyle ran out to find his dad drunk with a shotgun.

"Dad what the fuck" Kyle yelled.

Gerald explained to Kyle "I'm drunk and I'm blowing off steam Kyle."

Kyle exclaimed "dad you destroyed my fucking computer."

One hour later Gerald talked to Kyle about why he did what he did.

Gerald explained he'd been under a lot of stress and that he'd see a counselor about his anger and newly developed alcohol problem. He also explained to Kyle that he got the idea from a hillbilly in North Carolina.

Kyle couldn't believe it and he looked over at his mother and saw a look of rage on her face that made him shake.

Kyle knew his mom was NOT sympathetic and he kept his mouth shut tight.

The next morning on the school bus Kyle told everyone about being grounded and what his dad did. People were shocked.

Stan said "Kyle if you want you can come to my house."

Kyle said "Stan have you not been listening? I'm fucking grounded."

Stan reiterated "Kyle you're dad started drinking heavily and he blew up your computer so your safety is something I'm really concerned about."

Kyle looked over and saw Stan's hands shaking and Kyle smiled.

Kyle nodded with a big smile. His heart gave out three hard steady thumps in his chest as he realized just what a true friend Stan is to him.

Cartman chimed in and said "wow I think of all the dads in South Park the one who would have done that to his kid's computer it would have been Kenny's dad. Oh wait Kenny's family can't afford a computer."

Cartman laughs and Kenny smacks him over the head.

Kyle says "all this stress from the event has given me gas big time."

Kyle lets off one big fart and Stan giggles but the rest of the bus is not happy.

(Inside Mister Garrison's Classroom)

"Okay class today we're going to talk about the Middle East Conflict. Israel and Iran are at it again."

(All of the sudden the intercom comes on."

Mister Mackey begins speaking "teachers and students may I have your attention please? It has come to our attention that some students are posting profane language as well as inflammatory remarks about their parents online. A certain student's mother has come to us and put forth a contract for students to sign. The school has decided this contract will be mandatory to sign and it covers online behavior while in school."

Cartman butts in and says "I wonder whose mother that could have been."

Kyle hangs his head down and he realizes that whatever sympathy anyone had for him over what happened was gone.

Mister Mackey continues on stating that for the next hour every class will line up outside the office and sign a contract.

The contract looked like this.

_I …will not post crude or threatening remarks online about my parents or other students while in school. If I do I understand my internet privileges will be revoked for the entire year._

_Student's signature X…_

_Date …_

_Parent's Signature …._

The student's throughout South Park Elementary School all lined up outside the principal's office to get their copies of the contract.

When it was time for Mister Garrison's class to line up Kyle thought he was going to shit his pants like Pete Melman. As Kyle took his contract he felt two slaps across the back of his head. It was Bill and Fossy and they both called him gay.

Kyle yelled "you jerks it's not my fault we have to do this."

Wendy "it is your fault we have to do this Kyle so shut your big fat mouth."

Kyle was shocked more than ever. He never felt any type of rage from Wendy. They always stood by each other when Stan needed help. Wendy stood by Stan during the time that awful phony list came out and helped him. She'd always been on his good side and he'd always been on her good side. Now there she was angry at him as if he was Eric Cartman. He looked in her eyes and saw her anger.

He got choked up and his eyes watered.

Bebe came by and said "maybe we should make that fake list the real one. Kyle when I look at your face now I get sick and I hope you set yourself on fire."

Kyle's face had a major look of shock. What the fuck was up with Bebe?

When they got back to class Mister Garrison got back to his lesson on the Middle East conflict.

Cartman cut off Mister Garrison and said "I'll bet if Kyle was kidnapped by Hamas he would be glad to get on his knees and accept beheading because as bad as Kyle is deep down in his little heart he has some good and he'd be willing to take his punishment."

Kyle couldn't believe Cartman made a statement this outrageous.

"CARTMAN I'VE SAVED YOUR LIFE MORE THAN ONCE AND I'VE SAVED YOU FROM GETTING RAPED! GODDAMN IT HOW ON EARTH COULD YOU EVEN WANT THAT TO HAPPEN TO ME? YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE A FRIEND OF MINE BUT YOU WOULD HAPPILY WATCH ME GET MURDERED BY ARABS WHO HATE ME? I KNOW YOU'VE CRACKED TONS OF ANTI-SEMITIC JOKES TO MY FACE BUT SHIT CARTMAN THIS IS OUTRAGEOUS."

Kyle could feel his neck pulse pounding and he was so angry and frustrated he felt like he just had no fight left in him.

Clyde stood up and said "Cartman come on now that's going too far."

Cartman sat down and Kyle looked over to Clyde and said "thank you Clyde."

Clyde went on to say "Hey Kyle I think your mom should give you some spankings once in a while. I mean you were nasty and you did screw us all over."

Cartman responded "oh no if his mom did that Kyle's pants would be filled with little Jew boy jism."

Kyle turned to Cartman and said "I'm going to beat the living shit out of you like you've never been beaten before and I don't care how much time I do in a juvenile center."

Craig looked up to Kyle and said "hey Kyle let me show you something."

Mister Garrison cuts Craig off and says "Craig can this wait for after class?"

Craig says "no I can't hold it that long because what I need to show Kyle is this."

Craig gets up to Kyle and farts in his face and the whole class laughs.

Craig says "that was for gassing me all the way to school."

Kyle said "THAT'S IT CRAIG AND CARTMAN I WANT TO FIGHT BOTH OF YOU!"

Mister Garrison cut off everyone and sent Cartman, Kyle, and Craig to in school suspension for the day.

The anger and drama was still to come.

Later that day in the Broflavski home Kyle is on one short rope but he manages to take advantage.

"Mom I know I'm grounded but I have a homework assignment that requires me to go out and talk to the rancher."

Kyle's mom still seething turns to Kyle and says "alright mister but you go straight to that ranch and ask him what you need to ask him and you be back in 30 minutes or less or you'll have another 30 days of grounding time to serve?"

Kyle says "yes ma'am."

Kyle ran off feeling so lucky that he would finally get his plan for revenge going into effect.

He talked to the rancher about the use of dynamite and how he uses it to make crates when needed. Kyle was just enthralled over this.

He got back home on time and he knew dynamite would be easy to steal.

At dinner time he sat quietly and ate thinking about how he'd get even for losing his internet access. His parents promised him he could use the main computer in the living room after he was done being grounded.

He retired up to his room thinking "I'll show you daddy."

He laughed out loud.

The next day at school the attitudes were so thick they could be felt from miles away.

Kyle didn't say a word. He could feel the dirty looks pierce his body from head to toe. He could read everyone's mind. In today's age of technology there is nothing more frustrating than having the internet go down on you when you need to see a web page that has information for a report. You want to go into a chat room after work or school and the internet goes down. Your computer freezes up at the worst time possible you want to pick up a gun. Kyle knew what everyone was feeling and the eyes glaring at him made him want to drop dead of sudden heart failure.

Stan didn't even talk to him at the bus stop. After lunch that day Stan was doing a report on a school computer with Counselor Mackey watching over him. The school decided to step up their policy and declared no student could use a computer without a teacher or school authority figure looking over them. While Stan did his report the computer froze on him. He started cursing and got detention. When he looked over at Kyle he gave him a look like it was his fault.

Tears started rolling down his face and he wondered if Stan no longer wanted to be his best friend. When Kyle went to the restroom he felt very severe chest pains and couldn't breathe. His heart pounded and skipped beats.

He wondered if he was having a heart attack or if it was possible to die of a broken heart?

After crying and washing his face he was ready to head back to class. Before he could get out the door Stephen Tammel barged in.

Stephen said to Kyle "well with the trouble you and your mother caused I'm beginning to think we'd be better off today if Hitler had finished the job."

Kyle tried to walk off but Stephen grabbed him and said "I'm going to show you what it's like to have your head dunked in a toilet full of shit."

ALL OFF THE SUDDEN BUTTERS CHARGES INTO THE RESTROOM AND PUNCHES STEPHEN IN THE DIAPHRAGM KNOCKING THE AIR OUT OF HIM AND SENDING HIM FLYING AGAINST THE WALL.

Butters grabbed Kyle and helped him get back to class.

Kyle said "Butters I can't believe you saved my ass back there especially when I consider some of the things I've done to you."

Butters asked "like what?"

Kyle explained "well we put you in the Coon Holding Cell."

Butters said "I was Professor Chaos then but I am not anymore. You put me in that cell to teach me a lesson."

Kyle said "what about that time Kenny threw a ninja star into your eye?

Butters said "I knew you were truly sorry Kyle. I knew you were."

Kyle said "Butters you're a great person."

The two hug and take their seats where they silently pay attention to Mister Garrison's lecture.

Back at Kyle's house everyone is happy that the therapy Gerald is getting is proving effective. Kyle is going along with the flow and when he was told Friday night that his parents would be out and Ike would be at a friend's house his eyes lit up. His parents asked why his eyes lit up and reminded him he was grounded he just said he was happy things were calming down.

Yes Kyle would be grounded on Friday night and the internet would be blocked along with the television. He wanted to have fun his parents told him he'd have to have fun by coloring or reading books.

Kyle had other plans and his eyes brows bulged with a devious smile on his face.

The rest of the week was no more pleasant than Monday or Tuesday. At least Stephen Tammel no longer bothered him. Out in the hall the taunts continued.

Craig said to him "what's the matter Kyle? I guess nobody wants to be friends with you so run to mommy and cry you sissy boy. Hey maybe your mom doesn't love you anymore."

Token had been bullying him as well. He threw food at him in the cafeteria. He called him a little punk bitch even. But when Token walked up to him and said "well I've learned a lot about Israel this week with that project Mister Garrison gave us. Of course I had to do all my online research at home thanks to you. I must say I think your mom would make a nice lampshade and I wish you had died of Tasachs as an infant."

Kyle was shocked and so disgusted he wanted to throw up.

When Friday night came Kyle was happy. He was happy to be out of school. He was happy to be away from all the other children who hated him because his mom convinced the school to regulate internet behavior. He was happy to be home. He was also happy he was going to blow up his own home just to send his parents a message. He didn't care if he spent the next six months in juvenile hall.

Kyle's parents were getting ready and they gave him a list of instructions before they left. Kyle joked and said "dad you better let mom do the driving. Stan's dad was arrested for driving under the influence and I don't want that to happen to you."

Gerald was not amused by the joke but Sheila said "lighten up Gerald that was funny."

Gerald said "he's already grounded for being disrespectful Goddamn it now he cracks a joke like that!"

Sheila has to practically drag Gerald out to the car because he wants to kick the shit out of Kyle.

Once they're gone Kyle springs into action.

Or perhaps I should say he springs out of his window and heads over to the ranchers place. He sneaks into the barn and gets three sets of dynamite that's all tied up.

He heads back home and along the way he's confronted by the Coon.

Kyle says "well now it seems the Coon thinks it's funny to make fun of me and I promised a major beat down."

The Coon asked Kyle where he was going with the dynamite and Kyle told the Coon he was going to teach his parents a lesson by blowing up the house.

"NO FUCKING WAY!" Exclaimed the Coon

Right after that Kyle beat the crap out of Coon and left him bleeding on the side of street.

"I told you I was going to beat your fat ass you big fat fucking loser."

Kyle spits on the Coon and continues toward his house.

Right before he gets to his house Mysterion drops out of a tree and tells him "stop right there Kyle I heard all your plans."

Kyle says "back off Mysterion I want to teach my parents a lesson."

Mysterion says "you assaulted Cartman and you have explosives with intent to cause destruction. Kyle it hurts me deep inside but I'm making a citizens arrest because you're crossed the line. I hope juvenile hall really sucks so that you learn your lesson Kyle."

Kyle puts up his fists.

Mysterion pulls out a pair of handcuffs.

Kyle says "what the fuck" and laughs.

Mysterion says "these are real metal handcuffs Kyle and I'm not playing."

Kyle says "well Kenny let's see what you can do."

Kyle runs toward Kenny and Kenny jumps up kicking Kyle in the face and sending him head first into a pole. Kyle was knocked out but when he woke up he saw Stan and Mysterion standing over him. They told him not to move and that an ambulance was coming. Stan also said "Kyle I called your parents and you need to calm down. I don't know what's going to happen to you in the near future but you need to relax and spend time in the hospital."

Kyle says "OH GOD" and Mysterion says "take it easy Kyle there are people in this town who care about you."

When Kyle got to the hospital and he was situated in his room people came to visit him.

Stan and Wendy come in.

Wendy says "I'll admit I was mad at you for what your mom did and yes I told you to shut up. But what Bebe said to you was way out of line and I told her I'm not speaking to her for two months because of it."

Stan said "Ike would like to speak to you now."

"Kyle I had to come back from a friend's house because I forgot something important. If Mysterion had not stopped you and you'd gone on to blow up the house you would have killed me."

Kyle yells out "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Kyle begins to cry and says "I deserve to be put in Colorado's gas chamber. I'm a Jew who deserves to die from poison gas."

Mysterion jumps through the hospital window and says "you don't deserve to be executed but you do deserve to learn just how disgusting and criminal your actions were Kyle. You have a nice house and you were just mad because you lost computer access! Well you were going to get computer access after you were done being grounded. It was stupid of your dad to shoot your computer because he was drunk. Believe me I know what it's like to have parents who get drunk and act like idiots. There was no excuse for blowing up your house. I must say I have domestic issues at my house but home is home Goddamn it. You have a beautiful home Kyle I wish my home was big and wonderful like your home. I hope you spend the next six months in juvenile hall."

Kyle begins to cry and says "I'm truly ashamed of myself Mysterion and you're right I deserve to be punished for my criminal behavior. I should have surrendered to you when you whipped out those handcuffs."

Stan cut in and said "wow Kenny you should be a cop when you grow up."

Kenny says "fuck that I want to be a district attorney."

Wendy says "that would be awesome because district attorneys make over $100,000 a year so you could go from rags to riches."

Stan said "maybe you should be a judge considering you just convicted Kyle right here and told him he deserved to be locked up in juvenile hall."

Kyle said "Kenny's right I should be locked up."

Kyle begins crying out loud and Mysterion says "easy Kyle" and he hugs him.

Stan says "Kyle we're your friends but we want to get through to you that what you did was not okay."

Stan and Mysterion hug Kyle tight.

Kyle's parents come in and he asks them will they be sending him to juvenile hall? They say no and they felt they set a bad example to begin with but they will however be sending him to counseling and he's grounded for a second month.

Kyle informs everyone he's deeply sorry for what he did.

When Kyle checks out of the hospital Cartman is ready to get even. He points a camera at Kyle and says "I want you to admit the line I told you to admit earlier. Be humble Kyle for you are guilty of assault and attempting to use weapons of mass destruction."

Kyle looks at the camera and says "I'm a bratty Jew boy and I'm in trouble."

Cartman sat in his living room playing the video over and over again. He felt like he'd gotten major revenge against Kyle like never before. Kyle later apologized to Craig for farting in his face on the bus which led to the fight.

As for the children of South Park having free access to computers in South Park Elementary School well those days were gone. Kyle looked out his window and saw his best friend kissing Wendy and wished he could be with them but knew he had to serve time.

He embraced the punishment but couldn't wait to see what kind of fun the future held when his period of being grounded was up.

The End


End file.
